Breaking News

Friday April 01, 2016 10:25:pm

Hello everyone! It's been too long since the last time we spoke, but I am happy to say that I am officially back and writing now even more then ever. My three blog series will all begin again this week and I am going to start writing even more for the Outpouring Universe in the near future! Where is all of this extra time coming from? That's directly related to our breaking news!

This just in:

Jonathan Miller is stepping down as CEO of Outpouring Comics and has turned the title over to...MR. MOLE!

That's right! Mr. Mole is now in charge! Be among the first to read about and capture his new vision for Outpouring Comics.

"The direction Outpouring has been heading is okay," snarked Mr. Mole, "But I plan to spice things up a bit more!"

He first laid out his plans for Outpouring International. "We have officially open branches in both England and Japan. James Schumacher III will be transferred out immediately to run our Japanese division and Kent Willis will be placed in charge in England." When asked about why he chose the two of them for these prestigious positions, Mr. Mole simply answered, "Random number generator. I told you I wanted to shake things up."

He then went on to address social media. "What Outpouring has been doing is cute, but it definitely needs more pzazz." He then went on to give a sneak peak for some of which he has in store. "Every Wednesday we will be releasing a new image of Rusty Gilligan in his pink thong. If it reaches 1000 likes and 1000 shares we leak one of his sex tapes at midnight."

He then went on to explain his plan for Fridays. "We will be running Free Katana Fridays! That's right! Adam Atkinson will post a picture from his killing spree the night before and if that post reaches 5000 likes and 5000 shares then one lucky fan will receive the very katana he used, complete with the dried blood!"

Mr. Mole then went on to address Outpouring Comics' recent security issues. "These need to stop! Too much classified information has been leaked recently. From now on all of our secrets will be stored in John Orlando's hair, good luck finding anything in there!" He then addressed tracking down the leak, "We will also begin our investigation to find out who is sharing this info. Don Smith will be viewed as guilty until proven innocent, but I am looking to take down multiple people." He then gave a thoughtful pause and added, "But I'm definitely not going to rule out Sarah Miller. Never trust a person who is sleeping with the previous CEO."

"Now on to promotions and terminations." Mr. Mole rubbed his hands together with a maniacal grin on his face, "Terminations, my favorite part. We'll start off with Michael Heitkemper and Steven Lisefski. I can't stand guys that are too nice, but I am willing to give one of them a second chance. The two of them will be put into the ring for a death match. The winner gets to keep his job but remains on probation." Mr. Mole then added, "This event will be filmed live by Matthew Hahn and will be appearing on Pay-Per-View. See AJ Fulcher for tickets."

Mr. Mole then took several minutes to engage in maniacal laughter before he was finally reminded he didn't talk about promotions. "Oh yeah, promotions, David Black is going to become the new EIC and James Burton will become the new head of marketing and advertising." When asked why he simply answered, "Chubby guys amuse me."

He concluded his interview by addressing Samuel Gardone. "Sam will remain on as the COO of the company but I decided to rewire him and program him with a friendly chip. I want people to to know that I'm the meanest person in this company and I can't take any chances that he appears to be more despicable." When asked about his rewiring and programming comments he questioned, "Were you guys not aware that he was an android?"

He then had these final words to a parting Jon Miller, "I HAVE SURPASSED YOU AND YOUR EMPIRE IS NOW MINE! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HAVE YOU ELMINATED..."

I dared to stay for only one more sentence:

Happy April Fools Day!

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